Relationship fears

Relationship fears are different than other types of fear in that the fear is not of immediate physical harm, but emotional harm.
The two main types of relationship fears are 1) the fear of being abandoned and, 2) the fear of being smothered. I look at myself and I don't have any fear of being abandoned because I won't let anyone get close enough to me because of my fear of being smothered.
I don't want to give up the freedom that comes from being able to do what I want whenever I want. In the past, I have had people who tried to smother me and I quickly got out of the relationship. The question is whether or not I'll find that special someone who will support me emotionally and yet let me be my own person.

Opt In to life

You may notice that websites give you the option of opting out of receiving emails from the company or organization. They are required to do this by the ICANN organization.
Sometimes the process is easy requiring a few clicks and sometimes it is difficult.
Life can be the same way. Sometimes people choose to opt out of life permanently and other people choose to opt in no matter how difficult it is.
Make the choice to opt in!

Chronic Happiness

I have given much thought to my plight. I have decided to fight this chronic disease with incurable happiness. In the words of author Shawn Achor and comedian Marcus D. Wiley happiness is a choice. If it's a choice then I will select it. I will choose it on purpose as opposed to accidentally choosing it.

The new "normal" - Part 2...

I have been through the stages of bereavement and I have settled on the final stage. I have finally accepted the new "normal". It's a dramatic change from the previous version and I'm hesitant to call it an upgrade. The point of an upgrade is to make things better than they were. I'm still looking for the silver lining! Maybe I'm looking for it in the wrong place. Meanwhile, life goes on. I'm still trying to find the User's Manual for my life and I don't think that I received one. I have found other people's User's Manual, but not mine. I certainly would have read this chapter twice!

At what age do you cease to be old?

My oldest son celebrated his birthday on Sunday and my nephew asked him how old he would be last Friday, twenty-five? My son looked at him and shook his head vigorously no with an almost painful expression on his face. "No!" he said. "Don't make me older than I am!" On Saturday my sister asked him the same question when we were at the movies. Again, he shook his head vigorously and said, "No!" (as if being twenty-five was old) I instantly thought of little kids and how they always want to be older than they are. They will even tell a fib to add years to their age. At some point we try to reverse the trend and make ourselves younger. At what age do we start to do that and why?

Mind Over Matter

I think about how fragile our physical body is. Athletes spend years training for an event only to be sidelined by an unexpected injury or illness. Our physical body is susceptible to injury, but so is our spiritual body otherwise known as our mind. There has been a lot of talk in the news lately about mental health in the wake of the mass shootings around the country. It makes me wonder why you don't hear about these things happening in other countries. Does our society make us more susceptible to mental illness? In spite of our frailties there is a lot that we can do to combat mental illness and improve our mental health. We learn to work out and make our bodies stronger, but we're never taught how to make our mind stronger. The book The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor addresses this subject head on and provides some insight into this topic.

Not Impossible

I just watched a video from Not Impossible Labs about a profoundly deaf young lady named Mandy who used some software created by Not Impossible Labs that allows her to hear herself sing. The video caused two things to happen. First, I wept with joy watching Mandy sing and exclaim,"Wow! That's cool!" The second thing was the realization that human beings can literally do anything that they set their minds to. They showed graffiti artist, Tempt One who has ALS continue painting after being paralyzed using a device controlled by his eye movements. As long as the person isn't dead, any obstacle can be overcome with the power of the imagination

Love expressed by laughter

There are many ways to express love. Some of the most common involve affection, affirmation and intimacy. Another way to show that you love someone is to laugh with them and not at them. Laughter is a very powerful emotion and human beings are the only animals that laugh to demonstrate comraderie. You usually laugh with someone who you genuinely care about (unless you are a sociopath). This laughter is often accompanied by affection. This is one of the obvious clues that someone likes another person. You see this all the time in movies and television shows that if a person can cause the other person to laugh on a regular basis that is a good sign. I call myself the "Minister of Mirth" and tell women that it is my job to make them laugh and smile. People usually smile when they are enjoying themselves. Make it your job to make someone smile today.

Solitude vs. Loneliness

As I sit here and write this post I think about the difference between solitude and loneliness. It is quiet and no one else is around. I enjoy times like this. I am at peace and serene. I heard someone describe themselves on the Steve Harvey Show once as an extroverted introvert. I think that he made it up, but that describes me accurately. I like to be around people sometimes and other times l like to be alone. This is solitude. Don't confuse this feeling with loneliness because they are very different from other. You can be in a room full of people and be lonely. I've been there before. I felt as if I couldn't relate to any of them and I felt lonely. I like the feeling that I have now. Peace.

Inclusion

I wrote about human beings as social animals in an earlier blog post. I'd like to delve more into the subject. Inclusion and socialization is so important that hospitals have volunteer senior citizens come in the hospital to hold the babies and talk to them. There is a dual benefit to this relationship. Both parties get companionship which is vital to people. Many times theroot ccause of depression is the lack of communication and companionship with others. People have pets for this very reason.

Love and Marriage

How do love and marriage cohabitate? Some people would say that they don't go together at all. I believe that we have it backward and that a successful marriage is built on happiness and then marriage. Most people enjoy happiness or really pleasure and attempt to use this as a foundation for a successful marriage. There are two problems with this assumption. 1. You should be happy with the person BEFORE you marry them and 2. Your happiness is dependent upon the other person. This is a quid pro quo or this for that relationship.

Loyalty

What is loyalty? The examples that were used in the Merriam Webster Dictionary are 'team' and 'dogs'. The interesting thing about this is that neither example spoke of an individual.
I've heard arguments that human beings are selfish by nature and incapable of true loyalty or allegiance to another person. This may be why the divorce rate is nearly 50%. It's literally like flipping a coin.
We have a gut feeling who they are. I believe that God shows us who that loyal person is by faith.

Your note

I used to sing in the church choir and I relied on the guy who stood next to  me to ensure that I was on key. There were Sopranos, Altos, Tenors and Basses in our choir and I got confused if I didn't listen to my "Note". That's what I called him because he was reliable. He was always on pitch. He was "true".
In society people try to copy someone else too. They rely on them for their note. Life is different than a choir though. In a choir the goal is to sing the same thing as the group. In life, that goal is different. Most of us don't know that and so we try our best to blend in and not stand out. We don't want to be different.
History teaches us that the great people were different. Think of some famous people in history and the thing that stands out is their differences. They weren't the same and didn't try to be like anyone else. They are unique. We are created to be different. Even identical twins are different. What note are you supposed to sing in life?

Life is like a game of pinball

I was watching a young man play pinball and I noticed a few things about this game.
First off, the ball only goes as far as it does based on how hard the person "flips" it with the flipper.
Secondly, it doesn't move in a straight line to the top of the game.
And third, the number of points that the player earns is based on the number of obstacles that the ball bounces off of.
Life can be like a game of pinball. How much effort are you putting into it? Does it rise up high so that you can earn the most points? How many obstacles do you encounter on your journey?

Parallels of sacrifice

I once offered to pick up a friend and drive her to a get together for my friends from Australia. She resisted and said that I didn't have to and asked me why I made the offer since I didn't know her like that...
This exchange got me thinking about the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for us. I am not comparing my sacrifice to His ultimate sacrifice, but there are parallels.
First, He was willing to do something that He didn't have to do. Secondly, it would require Him to go outside of His comfort zone. Third, He didn't know us personally like that. Lastly, He was willing to make this sacrifice so He could share the experience with His friends with them. One word sums it up: relationship.

Time Will Reveal

The title of this blog post is taken from a well known song by the DeBarge family. I thought about the title of the song and I thought about how my God given talent for writing has been revealed to me over time. One of the exercises that I have the students perform in my Life Coach classes is to list things that they enjoyed doing as a child. Not for money or notoriety, but for pure unadulterated enjoyment! Writing is that thing for me. I've done it since I was a kid. I enjoyed it and I am good at it. At least I've been told that I am.
Writing has been a consistent theme throughout my life. What's your consistent theme? What do you enjoy doing? What have you enjoyed doing from your childhood that you did not for money or notoriety, but because that's what you do? That's your gift. Time will reveal your gift. Embrace it!

The power of, "No."

It is one of the shortest words in the English language. Curiously it's the same word in several other languages. Two letters that when spoken with conviction convey volumes.
It's one of the first words that toddlers learn and then we forget what it means just a few short years later. Trials have been won and lost based on the intentions of the person who uttered the word. What did the person  mean when they said that word.
I had forgotten about its power too until recently. People would ask me to do things that I really didn't want to do and I would say, "Yes" when I should've said, "No." I should have been courteous. I could have said it respectfully, but the person was asking for something valuable: my time!

Toenail fungus

I had a toenail fungus. I have had it for years. It got so bad that I wouldn't wear sandals that exposed my toes because I was embarrassed about how the toe looked. At the time I only knew of three ways to treat it. One was a pill that I could take that was potentially harmful to my kidneys. The second way was a topical cream which is not very effective. The third way was to have the toenail removed. This was a radical way to eradicate the fungus and I thought it was uncomfortable.
I tried to treat it myself unsuccessfully with ointments that I had read about. I had limited success and I finally gave up entirely. Over time the fungus spread and eventually covered the entire toenail. It wasn't pretty, but it didn't hurt and I probably would have lived with it except I read about the dangers of fungus to my health in general. I told my doctor and he gave me a referral to the podiatrist.
One the day of my appointment the podiatrist gave me the treatment options. He said that their were new pills which were more effective than the previous ones. He also said he could refer me to a doctor who would "zap the toenail" with a laser, but judging from the looks of my toenail it wasn't my best option. He offered an ointment option as well. I thought about it for a moment told him that since I had already psyched myself up to have the toenail removed and since it had the greatest chance of success I would have it removed.
My point is that sometimes the best way to accomplish something is to remove it. You can try to procrastinate or cover it up, but it just festers and negatively affects other areas. Oftentimes the best way is to go ahead and remove it.

I'm learning as fast as I can!

It has been said that every experience in life is designed to teach us something. If we don't master that lesson it will repeat itself until we do. I'm a teacher so I get this.
My question is what is life trying to teach me and am I getting it? I naturally look for patterns in my experiences. If I notice a pattern, there's a high probability of that event happening again.
What has life taught you and are you learning?

Invest in yourself

I read about what successful people do to achieve success. Over the years I have learned that there really is nothing new. Someone else has done it before or thought about it before you have so forget about it!! It's been done before so don't try to reinvent the wheel! I'm learning that the key to success is to study the habits of people who have already done it and mimic their lives.
I read an article today about diversifying in several different areas. You should have a minimum of seven different income streams. Make your money work for you instead of you working for your money.
Make a list of seven different income streams that you can can claim today. One investor thinks that these shouldn't be your typical investments like 401(k) or stocks.
One of the best investments that you can make is investing in yourself by reading what other people are doing.

Self Determination

When I was a teenager my dad made a sculpture of a clenched fist with the caption "Self Determination" inscribed on the bottom of it. I didn't know exactly what that meant at the time. As I have become a mature man I am beginning to understand what this means.
I have always had a desire to work for myself because of the self determination factor and the illusion of "job security" when you work for someone else.
I was talking to a friend yesterday whose daughter works for a big employer which is laying off a huge segment of their labor force. My friend was telling me how some of these people were reacting to the news. Some people were crying and others were doing some juvenile things in response to getting a pink slip such as making donuts in the parking lot with their cars!
Much of their misery was due to the fact that they didn't feel self determined, but dependent on the company. My friend noted that these were skilled professionals doing these immature things! I am determined to be self determined and not rely on the government for my pay (SSDI). The thought of another government shutdown is out of my control. Self Determination is within my control. I choose option two.

God spoke to me today at the movie theater!

I had just finished watching the movie War Room for the second time. After the movie ended I sat in my seat and patiently waited to get up and leave. One of God's angels stopped on her way downstairs and asked if she could pray for me.
She said that she had seen me come into the movie theater and was inspired to pray for me. She prayed fervently and I knew that God was talking to me and telling me not to give up. It's difficult sometimes, but I know that He doesn't want me to give up. He wants me to be an inspiration to others who want to give up.
I have accepted the assignment. When I'm not sure whether I'm up to the task, He sends one of His angels to reassure me.

Giving thanks on a granular level

Many of us give thanks for the big things in our lives. The promotion, the new home or car. Are we thankful for the things that most people take for granted like our health? I was thinking about a song by Donny Hathaway called Thank You Master For My Soul and I began to think about all of the things that went into each event in my life on a granular level.
I went to a presentation last evening with a friend of mine. No big deal. It wasn't until I started to think about all of the things that could have made the trip have a less than favorable outcome.
I thought of all of the turns that I made that could have been wrong turns. Nothing major. Just a wrong turn. I thought about how this comparison applies to our lives as well. I think about all of the decisions that we've made on a small, seemingly inconsequential level which have added up to what we have now, which we call our life.
The thing that is more amazing is the amount of control that we have over these small things. Think about it. That's within your control too.

Fighting Gravity

One of the reasons that birds in flight are so majestic is that the act of flying is a fight against gravity. An eagle in flight makes it look easy. They glide on the air effortlessly.
As humans we too are in a fight with gravity. Every time that we stand up gravity is trying to pull us down. To make us fall. We take this fight for granted as I'm sure that the eagle does.
It not until we fall that gravity wins.
The question becomes will gravity win the battle or the war? It all depends on your attitude. Gravity will always be with us on this earth.
Buzz Lightyear said it best when he said that flying is falling with style! In the movie Space Jam, the vocalist Seal sang, "I believe I can fly!"
I believe that we can fly if we're willing to fight gravity.

Trapped

Most of us are trapped. We're trapped in a state of reality. Have you you ever had a bad dream or nightmare that you couldn't wake up from? It seemed so real that you thought that you were awake.
I believe that many of us are trapped in a state of reality that we can't wake up from. Deepak Chopra talk about seven states of consciousness and we spend most of our time in the third state of consciousness. What prevents us from moving on to the fourth or transcendental state and the fifth or cosmic state of consciousness?
We're trapped by fear, pain, suffering and lack. For many of us, there is so much of these four characteristics that we get stuck in the third state of consciousness and can't move on. These things serve as distractions.
I have always been able to snap out of a bad dream and return to the waking state of consciousness. Couldn't we use this same power to snap out of the waking state of consciousness and return to a higher state of consciousness? We have the power!

Terminal vs. Chronic

One of the most important things that I had to learn a few years ago is the difference between terminal and chronic conditions. Most of the time these terms are applied to disease and they're not used to describe good things.
I'm going to adopt the philosophy of the guys in the Kona Brewing Company commercial and change the use of these words. In the commercial the two brothers are seated at a table and they decide to make one hour a day "Sad Hour" and the other twenty-three hours "Happy Hour".
I have decided to make sadness a terminal condition which means that it will eventually die. Happiness on the other hand is a chronic condition and it will persist and there is no cure for happiness. I will have happiness for the rest of my life.
Effective immediately "Happy Hour" will last twenty-four hours a day! This is an Executive Order!

Gratitude

I have always been a "glass is half full" guy. I am the one who says that there is an upside to every situation. I'm the guy who can look at someone in prison and say, "At least they don't have to pay rent."
So, I looked at my current situation and found the upside of my current situation.
I actually found quite a few advantages. I have my family to provide love and encouragement. I could stop right there, but I'll continue. I have my own room and plenty of food to eat whenever I want it. All of my bills are paid on time. I am not in pain or discomfort. Most of my symptoms are inconveniences. I get prime parking spaces close to the entrance. I have the respect of young and older people. I have two sons who are doing well and making good decisions with their lives.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm grateful.
I look at life from a different perspective now and I'm thankful. I'm grateful for the little things. I'm thankful for everything that God has given me.
I'm even grateful that I have been blessed with MS. I know that sounds strange, but I have been able to do things that I probably wouldn't have done if I didn't have the disease. I have met some incredible people on my journey. God has shown me things that I wouldn't have recognized without the affliction.
He has given me the gift of discernment and for that I am grateful.

Quality Time

The concept of quality time is very subjective. Quality of life is subjective as well. I hadn't really considered it until I was talking to a nurse and completing my Advance Healthcare Directive. It is a potentially daunting task.
The nurse asked a series of questions with the goal of determining your quality of life if you aren't able to communicate with your healthcare providers. In the case of the person being in a coma or vegetative state do they want to be kept alive with a ventilator or similar device.
The question becomes what kind of quality of life do you want? How does a person measure it?
The nurse told a story of a woman who cooked for her family and friends. Cooking was such a vital part of her life that she had to be in the kitchen cooking or life was not worth living.
So, the question remains. What do you feel is so important that your life isn't worth living without it?

Realization of mortality

I can remember doing things as a child and getting hurt. I would soldier on and suck it up. As a male this is what you're taught to do. We're supposed to "Sack up" and take it like a man! We're not supposed to cry even though we're hurting physically and emotionally.
I can remember doing things that didn't hurt me physically, but were bad for me in other ways. Staying up late and not getting the proper amount of rest. Not eating properly and malnourishing my body.

It wasn't until I had done this and lived this way for years that I recognized the error of my ways. I realized that I am mortal. I have read the stories of other people who have the disease and the thing that we have in common is our former active lifestyle. We were like Ant Man able to do things that mere mortals couldn't do. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with this disease that I realized that I was mortal and I couldn't do superhuman feats anymore.

I still do superhuman things, but as a human being.

Submission

I thought about this topic for a long time before I wrote about it. As a mobile DJ for 31 years I have heard my share of couples recite wedding vows and not to sound cynical, but most of it is empty rhetoric.
In this era of women's rights and equal opportunity, people miss Biblical principles. I believe in women's rights and equal opportunity. I also believe that Biblical teaching trumps all of that. I believe that women should submit to a God fearing husband.
I say that because most of us forget the second part of the wedding vow which requires husbands to love their wives like Jesus loved the church. He gave his life for the church. (We conveniently forget that part.)
I submit that a woman will submit to a God fearing husband willingly. Especially if she knew that he loves her like Jesus Christ loves the church.
This is based on the Biblical teachings of Ephesians 5:22-33.

Patience

Patience is a learned behavior. We're not born with it. A toddler usually exhibits a lack of patience when they don't get their way. They pout and fold their arms to display their displeasure with your decision. As adults we often do the same thing when we don't get our way.
This is displayed as passive aggressive or even aggressive behavior. We pout and fold our arms.
I would propose that most of the world's conflicts have their root cause in a lack of patience. Think about it. When someone doesn't do something when you want it or they do something that you didn't want them to do you pout. You react by doing something to annoy them.
On a large scale wars have started this way and on a small scale it's why there's divorce or friendships dissolve.

It's official: I'm a SME on living with MS

It's official. I am officially an expert on living with a chronic condition. I didn't get a certificate. I just have a handicapped placard to hang from the rearview mirror of my car... Cool, huh!?
As an expert I am qualified to speak on behalf of me because this disease is so unique that no two people are the same who have MS. I go to a MS Support Group meeting once a month and the way that the disease presents is different for each of us. Some of the guys work at a job. Some of us can't work because we're on disability. One of the guys jogs five miles a day. One us struggle to make it from the car to the meeting room with a bag of water bottles each month.
A couple of the guys ride motorized scooters and a couple of the guys you wouldn't know that they had the disease if they didn't tell you.
The thing that we all have in common is that we're fighters and we're determined to not let our conditions win!

Choices - Part II

I went to see the biopic featuring NWA, Straight Outta Compton! It's always interesting to see where the characters are based on the decisions that they made. Dr. Dre and Ice Cube are now incredibly wealthy based on their choices. Queen Latifah was a rapper who acts in movies and sings Opera now.
Is there a gene that makes some of us predisposed to make good decisions? There is a quote which says that life is made of 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it. How are you responding to what happens in your life?

Perspective

The concept of perspective has always fascinated me. I first learned about it in Art class. It describes how a tree or building looks shorter when you are farther from it.
After living on the planet for more than fifty years, I can apply it to my life. Perspective not only applies to distance from an object but also the angle that you look from. I'm reminded of the story of the blind man who described an elephant totally different when he was at the trunk than he did at the tail.
When I think about my life I have had the opportunity to do things that the average person hasn't done. I've been places that the average person hasn't been. I have truly been blessed. From their perspective many people would say that my life has taken a turn for the worse since I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I submit to you that my life is still on an upward trajectory. I continue to be challenged with things that I didn't think that I could do. Go places that I didn't think that I could go. People have helped me that I didn't expect.
Even now with my challenges I have many things to be thankful for. Thank God!

Event Planner

I have always been a planner. It has been the thing that made me a success in business. I am borderline OCD with my planning. I used to marvel at how Event Planners would obsess about what they did. That's why this latest challenge is so special! It's perfect! I have to think of every detail and contingency. Is the venue on one floor? How far is the parking lot from the event? What is the temperature? How far is the Men's restroom?
All of these things swirl around in my head while others don't give them a second thought. The trick is to make things like going to the movies a common event. As a result I have refused to have a harness. I choose to walk this tightrope without a net Cirque de Soleis style. It's much more exciting that way. Will he fall? The audience gasps with disbelief! Level of difficulty: 10.

Backstage

I have had several experiences with well known musicians in the past as a photographer and audio engineer. It was during this time before or after the concert that you got to see the "real" person when they weren't trying to show their public persona.
I had some good interactions and some not so good ones. I've never understood why some people think that they're better than you because they're famous. They have a talent that people are willing to pay for. They should be grateful not obnoxious.
When they were backstage you got to see what the artist was really like. I remember one concert that I was covering as a photographer for a local newspaper for an unnamed female artist who you all know. During the sound check before the concert she read the "riot act" to her sound technicians because she wasn't satisfied with the sound in the venue. I guess she got "caught up in the rapture" and voiced her displeasure.
I like her music, but I can't help but think about this incident when I hear her songs.

Choices

I had to buy gasoline today and I went to Costco gas station. It was a lot more crowded than I thought it would be at this time of day, but I stayed in the line because I didn't have anywhere to be so I waited.
As I neared the front of the line I made another choice. (Are you keeping track of my choices so far?) I decided to get gas on the side that would make it a challenge for me because of my balance issue. I made this decision because there wasn't a line of cars on that side.
I pulled up to the gas pump and paid for the gas. It was time for the performance. Ladies and gentlemen take your seat while Marcus performs his masterpiece! I took the gas pump with one hand and attempted to reach the driver's side of the car where the gas tank is. It was a brilliant performance to this point. I almost got the nozzle all the way over to the driver's side of the car. A lady from another car appeared from no where and helped me stretch the gas hose over to the other side of the car. A young man who works at Costco gas came over and assisted her and told me that he would pump the gas for me. I made small talk with him after I thanked the lady for helping me.
The young man finished pumping the gas while I stood there and he gave me the receipt for the fuel. I thought about the choices that I had made so far. I didn't even have to "pay" for the poor choice because I had help.

We Want the Same Thing.

I'm fascinated by the relationships that individuals have with other people. I'm especially curious about the length of the relationship. Some relationships last for decades and some don't last a week before fading out.
I look at relationships like a sort of Venn diagram of our lives. There is a greater intersection with some than other. We can start by looking at marriage. Theoretically, they should have commonality that lasts indefinitely. At least that's what they say.
I look at people who I've known for years! We've dined together. Been to each other's homes. Even been the godparents of their children and now... This has been an age old question for me. In many cases there was no argument or disagreement. The relationship between us just fizzled out. I guess that if I knew the answer to this question then I wouldn't be writing this blog post. Have a good day friend.

Community

Human beings are social creatures. Even the most introverted people need interactions with other people. Some people try to substitute the companionship of a pet with human to human communication. Each of us know of people who don't like people. On television or in the movies. Even in our personal lives.
The question is why is human connection so critical to our experience? The primary reason is that most of us rely on a person or group of people for our existence. Even if we live alone with twenty cats we have to go to the grocery store and buy them food. We take them to the veterinarian and other places that cats go. I am part of Facebook groups and other Internet websites that promote community with other people. The thing that I like is that it doesn't require verbal communication. It's all written. I like writing. It's what I do.
Even as a child I would write girls that I had a crush on. Times were different then. There was no Call Waiting so after a while your parents would pick up the extension and embarrass you by announcing that they needed to use the phone. The other challenge was long distance relationships. I had a crush on a girl who lived in Tucson, Arizona. Long distance calls were very expensive and the least expensive way to communicate was to write. This was before the Internet, so there was no email, Facebook or Instant Messaging. You had to write an actual letter. Place a postage stamp on the envelope and mail it. You would hope that your letter would go out in today's mail and wait.

Music as Medicine

There has been much talk in the news and articles written about the benefits of cannabis for pain management. As Geoffrey Holder said in the 7Up commercials from the seventies, "Never had it, never will!"
I've never tried it, but what I have tried is music. Although it isn't as popular as a news topic, much has been written about the benefits of music to alter your state of mind. Exhibit A is my thirty years as a mobile DJ. People are willing to pay good money to have their minds altered musically!
I have always known the intrinsic value of music and there are songs that are tied to significant events in my life. I can't hear the song Sunburst by Lonnie Liston Smith without being reminded of my prom.
Music is my drug of choice and it isn't illegal in any of the fifty states. I use it to improve my state of mind whenever I need to. There is no chance of overdosing either. If you do, I guarantee that you'll survive. Reminds me of the song Love Hangover by Diana Ross.

Onward and Upward!

Two steps forward and one step back. This is the way that progress is often described. As I reflect on my life, I have seen this trend repeated over and over again. There was the time that I moved from California to Texas. At the time I had built a thriving mobile disc jockey business in Los Angeles. I had guys who were working for me and contracts with local venues in L.A. to provide music for their businesses. I even had a contract with a charter yacht company to provide the music for all of their weddings.
My plan was to maintain the business with a toll-free phone number and my network of DJs. Short version of the story; I moved to Texas and didn't maintain the business in L.A. so I had to start over from scratch. When I moved to Texas, I had one contract with my church in Houston providing music for the youth group activities at the church. It took hard work and perseverance and eventually the business grew as large as it had been before in California.

The New Normal

I have finally accepted the new normal. There are so many things that I used to do. I was told that "used to" doesn't live here anymore (so suck it up). I have learned to be thankful for what I can do.
My family and friends are getting used to the new normal too. I think of my friends who have this disease and they fly all over country and do things that some people never do.
I have the same entrepreneurial drive that I had before in a different package. I hesitate to say that it's new and improved, but it's different. I have accepted the new normal.

Loss of Independence

by Marcus I. Brown

Brown Publishing Group

Reading stories about prisoners of war I can imagine that this chapter of their lives must have been a difficult and challenging time.
When I  think about a POW in a war I often think about the fact that the person is confined and can't move about like they want to. They are in a strange and unknown place. Often the biggest toll that it takes on the person is the mental one.
I have never been a POW and so I am not writing from firsthand experience. I have read accounts of prisoners of war and I seek to draw parallels between the prisoner of war experience and a person who has MS.
One thing that I learned from the prisoner of war stories, the Diary of Anne Frank, survivors of the Holocaust and stories about slavery is survival and quality of life is about a state of mind. It isn't so much the physical torture or abuse that they endured, but mental torture.
Smart captors know that and they try to get in the prisoner's head. Multiple Sclerosis is much the same way. I often say that unlike a congenital disease where a person is born without sight, hearing or one of the other senses, Multiple Sclerosis robs a person of abilities that they had. The disease inflicts the cruelest kind of torture; loss of independence that the person had before.
My story begins ten years ago when my sons were kids and I would play with them in the backyard. We played football. My sons against dad. I noticed that I couldn't "cut" or change direction quickly when I was running with the football. I went to the doctor and he said, "It's nothing...a lot of people who are are in their forties have that problem." I knew that NONE of my friends have that issue. He sent me to a cardiologist. Total waste of money!
I thought that it was vertigo. Meanwhile Multiple Sclerosis was slowly taking my independence. Like a thief in the night, it was quiet and invisible. Unlike a prisoner of war there wasn't any torture. There were questions though. These questions didn't come from a captor. They came from me.
"Why was this happening to me?" The next torture technique occurred while I was walking around the neighborhood with my friend. We usually walked three times a week throughout the neighborhood. We would walk on the sidewalk side by side. I kept veering onto his side one day and he said, "Man, you'd better have that checked out!"
The final torture technique happened when I went hot tubbing with a friend of mine one weekend. The heat beat me down and I literally had to be helped out of the hot tub and to the car. I still hadn't been diagnosed so these were unrelated incidents in my mind. I was slowly being robbed... Robbed of my independence. I didn't even realize it at the time.
I went to a different doctor this time. I "fired" the other doctor. The new doctor said he was going to order a MRI. I saw a neurologist at the same clinic and she said that the results of my MRI pointed to several different diseases and the only way they would know for sure is that I have a lumber puncture or spinal tap.
I still haven't been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, but the thief is in my body! In all of movies that I've seen where they held Prisoners of war, the captor would gradually deprive the prisoner of certain things like light, food and clothing. Multiple Sclerosis is a lot like a captor. It can deprive you of light (optic neuritis), food (loss of appetite) and clothing (heat or cold intolerance).
At the same time that I was having the MRI and the lumbar puncture I was going through another kind of torture. I was going through a divorce. That's another story altogether! I said that to say that I didn't have health insurance when I got the lumbar puncture and the procedure was done gratis by a neurologist in Sugar Land, TX.
I was finally diagnosed April 15, 2010. I began another chapter of my life...